Getting people off is only a small part of what sex workers do. “Escort” is often viewed as a polite euphemism, but most of what we give clients is time, attention, and company. Clients don’t just want orgasms, they want affirmation. They want to look and be looked at, desire and be desired, experience pleasure and take pleasure in their ability to give it in turn.

I’ve never, in years of sex work, met those mythical clients who really just want to talk. I believe they exist, ‘cause my fellow whores say they do. But I’ve never met ‘em.

I do know that every guy who sends me a cock shot asks, “Do you like it, baby?”

Look at me. Like me. Validate me.

Do you like it, baby?

That’s why my orgasm matters. There it is, the concrete evidence that I experienced real pleasure with and for and perhaps most importantly because of a client. Squirting seems to be all the rage these days and I get lots of requests for it, and I wonder if it isn’t because it’s just too damn tangible a proof of a (female-bodied) whore’s real pleasure.

After all, whores are all liars, aren’t we? Faking feelings and enjoyment for a paycheck? Isn’t it the ultimate demonstration of your sexual prowess? To make a whore feel something real?

Which is why my orgasm doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter to me, because my orgasm was never about me, even if I had one. And it also doesn’t matter because if I succeed in giving my clients what they come for—attention, validation, recognition—they also don’t need to ask whether my pleasure was real.

To me, it’s telling that the longer I work, the more mad my skillz, the less I hear that question.




I understand and agree with supporting the sex work profession in order to lower stigma. By lowering the stigma of sex workers, we also lower the stigma of sex positivity.

However, this is very problematic within a feminist context. 

Having a developing sexuality fertilized by socialization directly causes and effects what and how one achieves and exceeds arousal. Therefore, even if sex work was recognized as a respectable profession, the sex workers themselves are most likely continuing to participate and enable their own socialization, the socialization of others and ultimately, their own oppression.”

 … read on

I feel you are completely incorrect and am offended at many things you have said. I find it odd that you talk about how folks are effected by socialization, and yet can’t seem to see that your views of money for sex=/= objectification are directly related to your own socialization for starters. You deciding that all sex work clientele are chauvinists making real their “oppressive misogynist fantasies” come true is also obviously directly coming from your own (in many cases incorrect) ideas sprouted from your socialization. 

As as sex worker I know that not all my clients are chauvinists or misogynists nor are their fantasies, their physical or emotional needs. Your assumptions about a very large group of people (many of whom are not male or straight) is appalling, dismissive and oppressive. There is no questioning those bad types of people exist but the notion that all or the majority are bad people is incorrect and offensive- and based directly on your socialization and social constructs.

As a sex worker I also do not believe my work is oppressing and I am certainly not taking responsibility for the oppression of other sex workers, the community at large or myself or for enabling such abuses. I honestly believe misogynists and people who tell me that living outside their ideal worlds and social constructs (such as you) implying I am causing my own and others oppression are the ones who are at least partially responsible for my oppression and degradation among other things.

Sex for any reason (including money) =/= auto = oppression

Sex for any reason (including money) =/= auto = being degraded

Sex for any reason (including money) =/= auto = objectification

Sex for any reason (including money) =/= auto = any less empowered in any way.

I’m tired of the notion that because someone is willing to spend time, money, emotional investment or anything else for my time means that they are obectifing me. It’s nonsense, and it’s harmful nonsense. Your assumption that all these things automatically make me a victim, make my customers smug misogynists who are empowered for something you consider degrading/oppressive/objectifying and the like are ALL based on your own personal biases and your socialization and social constructs. 

Reblogging for the added commentary.

An interesting article on spirituality, religion, and sex work.

A video discussing sexuality among those who have disabilities.

Side note: Apparently Holland gives people who have disabilities up to twelve grants a year in order to have sex with sex workers.  Interesting fact!  It seems to be one of the few societies that recognizes that people with disabilities have sexual desires as well.

"I’m not the only sex worker I know who says their work has made them less promiscuous in their personal life, and more conscious and deliberate in choosing sexual partners. Before becoming a sex worker, I was much more likely to find random offers of male attention to be gratifying, flattering, thrilling. Now I find it mostly obnoxious, because I know how easy it is to get, and how much I could be getting paid to receive it."

Ariel Levy’s Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture (2005) | Tits and Sass


(via lookoutsideyourself)

(via brutereason)


The 15 Most Sexually Unappealing Porn Titles
(from, naturally)
((also NSFW, duh))
Numbers 4 and 5 made me literally laugh out loud.
(((Amy Winehouse fans: this list is dated.)))

Hey folks, this gave me a chuckle, so I thought I would share it.  Enjoy!


The 15 Most Sexually Unappealing Porn Titles

(from, naturally)

((also NSFW, duh))

Numbers 4 and 5 made me literally laugh out loud.

(((Amy Winehouse fans: this list is dated.)))

Hey folks, this gave me a chuckle, so I thought I would share it.  Enjoy!

"But when the most popular porn site* on the planet isn’t “here are people fucking in all kinds of cool / weird / freaky / fun / beautiful / ugly / confusing / terrifying / ohmygodwhatisTHAT?! ways” but instead “here are underpaid women, some of whom are teenagers, performing according to male orders,” we have a problem."

From Feministe, on the fact that the most popular porn website is The article goes into a lot more nuance, including the fact that we oughtn’t assume the only reason Southeast Asian and Eastern European women would perform for low pay and without a lot of bargaining power is because they have no other options or have been coerced into it…but it’s something to keep in mind when deciding what pornography to view and support financially.

* Edited to add that the comments on the site cast doubt on this claim since LiveJasmin forces pop-ups on sites and they may be counting those as “visits.”

(via feministguy)

(via feministguy-deactivated20131031)

(Source: spookface)


And yet, even as we use Casey Anthony’s sexuality as evidence against her character, we want to lay claim to it. Those provocative photos of Anthony weren’t just printed to feed into the public’s hatred; they were printed so that the public could get off on them. For the same reasons, blogs publish pantiless “upskirt” photos of loathed female celebrities, Vivid has pursued “Octo-Mom” Nadia Suleman relentlessly, former sex blogger Lena Chen’s ex posted naked photos of her online without permission, and Hustler made a porn film based on Sarah Palin’s career. When we find ourselves a bad girl, a nasty girl, a girl we hate, there is one surefire way to re-assert control over her: Strip her down and make her get us off. Take her sexuality away from her — it’s dangerous — and make it serve us instead…

Please click the link to read the rest of this article from the Anti Porn Men Project. They do a really good job in this incidence to separate the conversation from the industry and to just analyze how we use porn in our current culture and society to dominate women. And that is awesome because I’m one to be extremely critical of the anti-porn movement.

I agree with Tranquality.  This article does a good job describing how sex is used to punish and dominate women in our society.  It’s interesting that this article should come up on my dashboard today because I just picked up a book from Borders that talks about the porn industry.  It’s called “Pornland” by Gail Dines.  I hope it’s good. 

(Source: tranqualizer)


[Trigger Warning: disabilities, body-image, rape, sexuality (including descriptions of sexual acts), depression, and suicide]

Disabled people are rarely touched in a loving way or thought of as sexually desirable yet they have the same need for a sexual life as everyone else. In this confronting program John Blades, who has a major disability himself, talks to sex workers about why they work with disabled clients and the importance of touch to every human being.

He also meets other people with disabilities; Gary who has burns to 60% of his body and finds that being touched by his wife on his burnt skin makes him feel desirable; and Caitlin, who has cerebral palsy, and whose first sexual experience was with a sex worker.

This program won The Walkley Award for Social Equity Journalism, The Human Rights Award and Best Documentary from the Asian Broadcasting Union.

This is a fantastic programme. It’s about an hour long, but totally worth it. 


(Source: lipstick-feminists)

(Source: laceandlucite)

History of Sexuality


S and M stands for smoke and mirrors and was a common practice in the middle ages, before modern pop singers like Rihanna made it popular.

I think someone is confused.

This made me giggle, and I thought I would share it with y’all.

For those who don’t know, “S and M” stands for “sadism” and “masochism.”

"The funny thing about being a porn star is that everyone automatically assumes that they can sleep with you. This is what I do for a living. I don`t just let anyone get into my pants."

— Jenna Jameson


Scarlet Road Video (by Paradigm Pictures)

This is amazing, people with disabilities able to have the adult sexual encounters their bodies and minds crave with a safe caring sex worker.


"People you think lead lonely lives in terms of their sexual experiences have often found ways to satisfy themselves. Sometimes those ways may seem bizarre, but as long as they aren’t hurting anybody, why does it matter? Where’s the victim? And often, especially for more unusual desires, an escort is the easiest and safest way for some people to explore what turns them on."

— Andrew Rosetta, Nice Work if You Can Get It, pages 119-120